Saturday, November 21, 2009

# 10 Bacon

Ok, so I'm torn about this one, because I, like most of you, really love bacon. It's just delicious. What's more, there's sacrilege written all over it; sacrilege against the health-crazed vege-nazis, tacit acknowledgement that halal and kosrhut laws are just anachronistic nonsense perpetuated by the stasis upon which the power-structures of those religions depend. Bacon's as much a symbol of defiance as a foodstuff. Think of the hordes of chubby faithful straining to outdo one another in proto-baptist fashion as Emeril bams pork-fat into his roux. I get it, I do, and I feel the same way, but there is something a bit unnervingly cultish about it. I mean we all ask our vegan and vegetarian friends, "yeah, but I mean, what about bacon? don't you miss bacon? How can you live without bacon?" and almost invariably, even they will tell you, "Oh, well yeah, I mean, listen, bacon's great..." etc. etc. etc.

Which is just to say that I think bacon's become one of those things you're technically not supposed to not like. When you see some super-skinny lettuce-nosher waxing rhapsodic about bacon, doesn't it make you kind of what to slap her in the mouth and say, "right, you love bacon, sure you do, you love it so much, clearly, given that you weigh ninety-eight friggin' pounds. Give it a rest."

There's just something so, I don't know, extroverted, about people's insistence of their love of bacon that fills me with distrust and skepticism. And I'm as guilty anyone. I told my wife when we got engaged not to make me choose between her and bacon, because, of course, I would choose her, but I would resent her for it and never forgive her really because I mean this is bacon we're talking about and man alive do I ever love that delicious bacon.

That's freaking retarded.

I guess what I'm saying is, yes, bacon is great, but just calm down about it already and don't protest too much because it's kind of poseurish and over-the-top. Eat your bacon. Eat the crap out of, I don't care, but calm the frak down and stop congratulating yourselves about it.


  1. The proliferation of effusive bacon praise is less about the love of bacon and more about the post-ironic vogue for being exaggeratedly effusively enthusiastic about certain things, especially things that are childish and/or gluttonous (bacon is both). As a fallen Jew I find bacon to be slightly tasty but relatively low on the list of things I was once denied - far below scallops, oysters, carnitas-style pork, pork ribs, shrimp, and certain kinds of sausage, e.g.

  2. I love bacon, I truly do and I have ever since growing up in the cold northern wilds where that hearty greasy goodness could keep a belly warm for hours after consumption. However its gone to far, I don't need bacon infused vodka. I don't need bacon in my chocolate. There is this great Belgian waffle truck (Wafels and Dinges) that frequents the cycling related events and the lower half of Manhattan that will put bacon in your waffles, I had one and it was gross. Side by side- cool, together- not cool. All of which is to say, when something has branched this broadly into total crap, people stopped vetting the ideas and just bandwagonjumpedtheshark.

  3. love this post. bacon rabidity is over the top, but god, it is good.

    my two year old started crying at brunch at a friend's house b/c there wasn't enough bacon for her to have three pieces. a two year old does not need to eat three pieces of bacon (does anyone?) but she wanted to. based on the sheer fact that bacon is delish.

    but i agree, no bacon in my chocolate.

    love this blog. the serpicks pointed me in your direction :)