Friday, June 3, 2011

#25 Scarface

What is it with Scarface? Pacino is so completely (ludicrously, idiotically, unforgivably) over-the-top, and the movie caters to the absolute basest quasi-human instincts (I'm not talking about reveling in the Id, I'm talking about catering to lowest most asshole-y people and what they look for in their entertainment).
You know how you can tell someone is a complete asshole? They love Scarface. Seriously, check it, it correlates 100%. Loves Scarface? Asshole.

Asshole, loves Scarface? A Venn poser! Now while not all assholes necessarily love Scarface, I suspect that's only because any such asshole simply hasn't yet seen Scarface. If, in fact, an asshole saw Scarface, I have absolutely no doubt that said asshole would get all up in your business about how fuckin' awesome Scarface is.

Thus, there is a complete overlap between the categories "Asshole" and "Someone would does (or would) love Scarface." Q.E.D.

Now, I know, given the purview of this blog, that technically means the world is filled with assholes such that you can't really get away with not liking Scarface. But I don't think that's it. Really it's the tyranny of the minority. The worst kind of extroverted, macho, shithead who brays and struts and prances like a gorilla, well, he's kind of intimidating right? So that has two consequences:

a) Those of us who have seen Scarface and aren't assholes and are like "what the fuck is everyone talking about?," well, we keep our mouths shut b/c it's not worth going to toe-to-toe with Scarface-Nazis. Because really, the impulse to like Scarface and the impulse to be a Nazi are different in degree, not kind.
b) Those of us fortunate enough to have NOT seen Scarface but, precisely because we recognize that reprobate-douche-nozzle-Scarface-screech-monkeys' behavior is a pretty good predictive indicator that we probably won't like it simply avoid the movie altogether and, when confronted by such unfortunate quasi-humans, can say "sorry, haven't seen it."

Now the danger with b) is that you might get stuck being regaled by the Scarface-monkey, but hey, even that's better than watching Scarface.


  1. I have to take issue with this post for two somewhat contradictory reasons. The first is that I've always thought of Scarface as the official movie of, at worst, delusional assholes and, at best, your friend's nondescript but slightly creepy roommate.

    Second, a friend of mine who is neither of these recently explained to me that Brian DePalma films (such as Scarface) are SUPPOSED to be absurdly over the top and ridiculous and stylized, and that he thinks it's funny that people like the aforementioned assholes take them so seriously. I haven't seen enough DePalma films to agree or disagree, but my friend is usually pretty astute when it comes to film.

  2. But see that's worse! Nothing's more annoying when someone justifies a piece of crap by saying the author intended it to be a steaming pile of shit. Even then, there's still something kind of douchey about it. Even if DePalma's making a joke, he's an idiot. Because the thing you're intending is to incite assholes in their assholishness. You don't have control over all the consequences of your "art" but you can make a pretty good calculation that when you have Pacino there with a machine gun high-pitching his ridiculous accent and saying some retarded catchphrase that Assholes are going to run with it. So what's the point? At some point you become the mask you're wearing and if he's stupid enough to say (and actually MEAN) that he's playing some kind of deeper joke, then he's kind of just as much of asshole as the assholes he's pointing his asshole at.