People simply adore kale. Oh, it's so delicious, they say, steamed with just a little lemon, perfect.
Uh, no it's not. It's a leafy bitter fucking green. But you must love kale, because if you don't love kale you're not healthy enough. You need to embrace your health so dearly that you have to pretend to love something that is inherently undeserving of love.
People don't really love kale (that would be impossible). Rather, they love the idea of themselves eating a leafy green. How healthy, how delicious! No, it's not delicious. It's kale. It's not a bacon cheeseburger. It's not foie gras. It's not creme brulee. It's not even a really ripe, sweet and juicy peach. It's freaking kale.
Eat your kale, but be honest about it. Eat it with resentment. The resentment borne of being burdened with craving unhealthy things. Be unhappy, because really, kale is terrible. It is, it's just terrible. Yeah, it's ok if you eat it in a soup that you make with sausage, but that tells you everything you need to know. Just don't tell anyone you hate it because that means you're just an unhealthy person and we don't want to hear from unhealthy people reminding us of our delusionary relationship with healthy foods.