Thursday, October 29, 2009

#8 Halloween (Booooooooooo!)

You really aren't supposed to not like halloween. What are you, a wet blanket? The death of the party?

It's competitive creativity, what's not to like about that? It's drunken extroversion. AWESOME! It's making clever puns and turning them into costumes and wearing the costumes so then people can ask you what you are and you can say something like "a board meeting!" or "george washington zombie" or "the concept of hubris," and they can fake-laugh and you can feel clever and then you can ask them what their costume is or better yet, "who are you supposed to be?" and they can say, I'm a "cheerful serial killier" or "someone who eats babies, see the baby-blood trickling from the corner of my mouth? ha-HAH!" or "the world's most enormous whore!" and then you can fake-laugh and you all drink and pretend to be having a wonderful time and not totally wishing you could just take all this stupid makeup off and get away from her awful cigarette-cosmo-breath.

Super. Just super.

I remember hating halloween when I was growing up. It's too much pressure and not enough payoff. It's embarrassing to go around begging people for food, especially when you really never get candy any other time. There's something downright shaming about it, your costume's never as good as the rich kid or the arty kid. It's just always kind of lame and literalizes how comparatively uncreative you are in a world that's already doing a pretty good job of reminding you of that every single other freaking day of the year. So you either feel bad about yourself or you make a total drunken ass of yourself. Either way, I don't see the margin there.

But no, let's party! Come on, Bobby, it's good fun! Well, I'm not really having any fun dressed up as "a dirty martini," really I just want to wear some normal clothes and hang out and, I don't know, just not be bombarded with this extroverted id all over the place. But try getting on the subway on Halloween with that noise. The subway on Halloween is the saddest, most desperate spectacle you'll ever see. People either sitting there ashamed of themselves for being forced by their girlfriend into wearing this stupid costume, or overcompensating and literally screaming at each other in a too-forced travesty of drunken revelry. Mostly it's just a bunch of prancing gits who need to be smacked in the mouth and told to shush and use "indoor voices."

Hm..."Indoor Voices," "The Wet Blanket," "The Death of the Party" now those might make decent costumes...



  1. The subway part is always absurd...and I was trying to avoid it this year, but in the interest of not driving drunk, I may not be able to...

    But maybe your entry has inspired me enough to not drink on halloween, and drive to the party??? Talk about wet blankets...

    and I don't know waht euch is but I like it.

  2. Within the framework of the site am allowed to agree? Agreed. Although this year I am going as a slutty version of a slutty girl dressing as a slutty cop.

  3. You mean National Dress Like A Stripper/Hooker Day (Observed)?